99+ W c fields Quotes on Firsts - Quotes.pub

Here you will find all the famous W c fields quotes. There are more than 99+ quotes in our W c fields quotes collection. We have collected all of them and made stunning W c fields wallpapers & posters out of those quotes. You can use this wallpapers & posters on mobile, desktop, print and frame them or share them on the various social media platforms. You can download the quotes images in various different sizes for free. In the below list you can find quotes in various categories like Firsts

Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with.

Firsts Quotes

First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks.

Firsts Quotes

I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.

A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.

Book Quotes

I always made up my own acts; built them out of my knowledge and observation of real life. I’d had wonderful opportunities to study people; and every time I went out on the stage I tried to show the audience some bit of true human nature.

Real Quotes

I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.

I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.

I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.

A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.

The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.

Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.

Ultimately chess is just chess – not the best thing in the world and not the worst thing in the world, but there is nothing quite like it.

I never met a kid I liked.

Thou shalt not steal-only from other comedians.

There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.

The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

On the whole, I’d rather be in Philidelphia.

I’ve been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.

Hollywood is the gold cap on a tooth that should have been pulled out years ago.

Marriage is better than leprosy only because it’s easier to get rid of.

To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I’m not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I’m asked to believe.

I must have a drink of breakfast.

I like my films to influence the audience. Even if it means tripping their aged grandparents with a cane when they get home.

I like thieves. Some of my best friends are thieves. Why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.

Happiness means quiet nerves.

I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.

If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.

My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?

No man is the boss of his own house, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.

It’s quite true I’m not drinking anymore; however, I’m not drinking any less either.

I’ve been asked if I ever get the DTs. I don’t know. It’s hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin.

The low-ceiling price bazaar for sexual relief was a street called Middie Alley. You could barely get a pushcart through this avenue. Top price-twenty-five cents.

Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.

I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.

I think of the church often. Not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.

A man who overindulges lives in a dream. He becomes conceited. He thinks the whole world revolves around him; and it usually does.

I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night.

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.

Buried my wife the other day. Had to, she died.

If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.

When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.

All things considered, I’d rather be in Philadelphia.

Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.

The funniest thing about comedy is that you never know why people laugh. I know what makes them laugh but trying to get your hands on the why of it is like trying to pick an eel out of a tub of water.

Remember, Lady Godiva put all she had on a horse and she lost her shirt!

1
2
3
4