Ultimately chess is just chess – not th... - W c fields - Quotes.Pub

Ultimately chess is just chess – not the best thing in the world and not the worst thing in the world, but there is nothing quite like it.

W c fields Quotes

Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with.

Firsts Quotes

First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks.

Firsts Quotes

I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.

A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.

Book Quotes

I always made up my own acts; built them out of my knowledge and observation of real life. I’d had wonderful opportunities to study people; and every time I went out on the stage I tried to show the audience some bit of true human nature.

Real Quotes

I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.

I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.

I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.

A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.

The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.

Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.

I never met a kid I liked.

Thou shalt not steal-only from other comedians.

There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.

The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

On the whole, I’d rather be in Philidelphia.

I’ve been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.

Hollywood is the gold cap on a tooth that should have been pulled out years ago.

Marriage is better than leprosy only because it’s easier to get rid of.

To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I’m not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I’m asked to believe.

I must have a drink of breakfast.

I like my films to influence the audience. Even if it means tripping their aged grandparents with a cane when they get home.

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