George Carlin Quotes
The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.

-George Carlin
Download
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

-George Carlin
Download
Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special p . . . Read more

-George Carlin
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

-George Carlin
Download
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

-George Carlin
Download
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.

-George Carlin
Download
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

-George Carlin
Download
There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

-George Carlin
Download