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I don't like ass kissers, flag wavers or team players. I like people who buck the system. Individualists. I often warn people: "Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I" in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an "I" in independence, individuality and integrity.'" Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name. If they say, "We're the So-and-Sos," take a walk. And if, somehow, you must join, if it's unavoidable, such as a union or a trade association, go ahead and join. But don't participate; it will be your death. And if they tell you you're not a team player, congratulate them on being observant.

-George Carlin

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George Carlin Quotes

The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.

-George Carlin

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The planet is fine. The people are fucked.

-George Carlin

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Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

-George Carlin

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Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special p . . . Read more

-George Carlin

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

-George Carlin

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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

-George Carlin

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That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.

-George Carlin

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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

-George Carlin

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