Top 30 Milton Jones Quotes of All time - Quotes.Pub

Here you will find all the famous Milton Jones quotes. There are more than 30 quotes in our Milton Jones quotes collection. We have collected all of them and made stunning posters out of those quotes so you can use Milton Jones quotes wallpapers and images to share on the various social media platforms. You can download the quotes posters in various different sizes for free.

I don’t know if you’ve ever fallen asleep whilst eating a plate of cauliflower, and then woken up, and thought you were in the clouds.

A lot of people like cats. Take the Pope, for example: I read recently that he was a cat-oholic!

I recently bought the box set of ‘Doctor Who’ and watched it back to back, Unfortunately I wasn’t the one facing the TV!

Militant feminists, I take my hat off to them, they don’t like that.

I hate sitting in traffic, because I always get run over.

Incredible to think isn’t it, that every single Scotsman, started off as a scotch egg. Old and gingery.

When the boys at school found out I had a potentially fatal peanut allergy, they used to hold me up against a wall and play Russian Roulette with a bag of Revels!

As a child I watched Mary Poppins so many times I suffered from a condition with my sight. Umdiddleiddleiddleumdiddle Eye.

I have a nut allergy. When I was at school the other children used to make me play Russian roulette but force-feeding me a packet of Revels.

You know the animal that kills the most people in the world? The Hepatitis Bee.

My mother made us eat all sorts of vitamins and supplements, until one day I nearly choked on part of The Sunday Times.

You know I used to work at Ikea, selling over 7,000 products. Give me a number between 1-7,000 I’ll tell you about it. Sorry out of stock, lucky you chose that one.

If you’re depressed and called Morgan spend the first half of the day in Germany for some positive affirmation.

When my daughter was born she had jaundice, she was small, round and yellow. we called her Melony.

Why did we get together? Because God wanted us to do it. We were just trying to do what God wants us to do. We didn’t feel like we had much of a choice.

So I phoned up the spiritual leader of tibet, he sent me a large goat with a long neck, turns out I phoned dial a lama.

I lost my job as a cricket commentator for saying “I don’t want to bore you with the details”.

Sometimes I wonder what my grandfather would think of what I do, he spent his whole life in the kebab business, was buried with all his equipment, probably turning in his grave.

It’s difficult isn’t it, when you’re in a Mosque and everyone’s praying and you really enjoy leapfrog.

I got arrested for playing chess in the street. I said, it’s because I’m black, isn’t it.

If they make it illegal to wear the veil at work, bee keepers are going to be furious.

Most of my relatives are police marksmen, apart from my grandad who was a bank robber. He died recently, surrounded by his family.

Easiest job in the world of course, Australian psychiatrist, “Gday Gday how you doing no worries next”.

I’ve just finished my book, I wrote it on penguins. Come to think of it, paper would have been better.

If you’re being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They’re trained for that!

My aunt Marge has been so ill for so long that we’ve started to call her I can’t believe she’s not better.

Here’s a picture of me with REM. That’s me in the corner.

The pollen count, now that’s a difficult job. Especially if you’ve got hay fever.

About a month before he died, my grandfather, we covered his back full of lard – after that he went downhill very quickly.

The worst job I ever had was as a forensicologist for the United Nations. One time I thought I’d come across the mass grave of a thousand snowmen, but it turns out it was just a field of carrots.