86 Lenny Bruce Quotes on Humor, God and Censorship - Quotes.pub

Here you will find all the famous Lenny Bruce quotes. There are more than 86 quotes in our Lenny Bruce quotes collection. We have collected all of them and made stunning Lenny Bruce wallpapers & posters out of those quotes. You can use this wallpapers & posters on mobile, desktop, print and frame them or share them on the various social media platforms. You can download the quotes images in various different sizes for free. In the below list you can find quotes in various categories like Humor, God and Censorship

The American Constitution was not written to protect criminals; it was written to protect the government from becoming criminals.

There is nothing sadder than an aging hipster.

You got a million drug laws now because the bosses figured there was more money in putting people in jail than taxing something anyone can grow on a window sill.

Part of the kick of making people laugh was doing something different. We were a rare breed – spotting one of us was like pinning a space alien, or abdominal snowman. There were maybe a hundred stand-ups in the whole country when I was doing it.

I’m sure that half the buzz from smoking grass was the fact that it was so illegal.

You can’t just run out and start the car until some cat invents a car.

TV is just advertising for your live gig, so I’m playing whichever show is gonna get me the biggest crowd.

When earth gets good and crowded, like 15th century England, then some new Pilgrims are gonna rocket their Mayflowers to a new solar system.

The crooks downtown figured out that comedy is like a hammer. It can put up a barn and it can knock down a wall. So they bought it outright and marketed it as Comedy Central.

I credit the motion picture industry as the strongest environmental factor in molding the children of my day.

All my humor is based upon destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil, without disease and violence, I’d be standing on the breadline right in back of J. Edgar Hoover.

Trying to figure things out was my gig. Without the human condition, there’s no struggle, no pain and that means no laughter.

Communism is just one big telephone company.

I want to perform an unnatural act.

Anyone who has two shirts when someone has none is not a christian.

What you end up with is outrageousness without the laugh – comedy as electro shock therapy.

I was surprised when Nixon passed the test and showed up in heaven, but, I guess Hitler threw off the curve for our century.

I don’t want a sharp chick who quotes Kerouac; I just want to hear my old lady say, “Get up and fix the toilet, it’s still making noise.

Certain things are complete superstition and have no validity at all in the Bible. Yeah. They’re just the antithesis of everything that is correct intellectually.

To say whatever nonsense comes into your head without any repercussions has got to be a bigger high than heckling a movie screen in a darkened theater.

Every group, every system has a set of values and morals and when you get outside those, then the alarms ring. I was politically incorrect to 95% of the country; luckily my 5% had the bread to come see me.

Anyone who does anything for pleasure to indulge his selfish soul will surely burn in Hell.

Once the country was settled and built, the bosses changed the order from a stack of educated workers to a barrel of minimum wage lottery dreamers.

Today’s comedian has a cross to bear that he built himself. A comedian of the older generation did an act and he told the audience, This is my act. Today’s comic is not doing an act. The audience assumes he’s telling the truth. What is truth today may be a damn lie next week.

If I get busted in New York, the freest city in the world, that will be the end of my career.

I wanted out of the navy so bad in ’45, I faked homo to get a discharge. It didn’t matter that the Germans surrendered, I knew we were heading to Japan and I was done with that scene.

You got to pay your dues to get the joke. Besides, laughter is cheap and very portable. If there’s a pogrom, or they’re blaming you for the plague, nothing is easier to pack than a sense of humor.

Every group needs a comedian. A comic who is politically incorrect at the Berkeley campus might slay them at a Klan rally.

If there was absolute freedom, people would run over babies and charge admission.

Marijuana is rejected all over the world. Damned. In England heroin is alright for out-patents, but marijuana? They’ll put your ass in jail. I wonder why that is? The only reason could be: To Serve the Devil – Pleasure! Pleasure, which is a dirty word in Christian culture.

I was a Jew talking about Goyim religion. If I had just stuck to Moses, everything would have been cool. But, copping to being part of the whole Christ murder conspiracy got everyone goose-stepping again.

There’s always a down side with any freedom. It’s not just homosexual freedom, but any sexual freedom comes at a price, and that is usually art.

If something about the human body disgusts you, the fault lies with the manufacturer.

I would become a priest or a rabbi or a monk or whatever the hell was necessary to perform miracles such as taking money from someone else’s pocket and putting it into mine, still remaining within the confines of the law.

I tried the religion scam in Miami, so I know how hard that gig is. But, if you can get it to work, starting your own religion is a license to print money.

Every tribe needs a good front man to sell the program. Who better to convince the Middle East to give up the oil, than a brown man with a Muslim name?

Alright, let’s admit it, we Jews killed Christ – but it was only for three days.

I think it’s about time we gave up religion and got back to God.

The reason I’m in this business, I assume all performers are – it’s Look at me, Ma! It’s acceptance, you know – Look at me, Ma, look at me, Ma, look at me, Ma. And if your mother watches, you’ll show off till you’re exhausted; but if your mother goes, Ptshew!

You can’t do anything with anybody’s body to make it dirty to me. Six people, eight people, one person – you can do only one thing to make it dirty: kill it. Hiroshima was dirty.

You put a guy on a desert island, he’ll do it to mud, a chicken, a barrel, anything, a knothole.

Faith is to the human what sand is to the ostrich.

Let me tell you the truth: The truth is what is. And what should be is a fantasy a terrible, terrible lie that someone gave the people long ago.

Once you sleep on feathers you can’t go back to sleeping on the floor.

That’s where the conflict starts. We all want for a wife a combination Sunday school teacher and a $500-a-night hooker.

When homosexuals were repressed, you got Tennessee Williams. Today’s tolerance got you Hilton Perez.

Wouldn’t it be nice if all the people who are lonesome could live in one big dormitory, sleep in beds next to each other, talk, laugh, and keep the lights on as long as they want to?

I’m not a comedian. I’m Lenny Bruce.

I’ve talked to biblical cats, and Neanderthals who been here since day one. No one here has even seen the Big Boss. Ever.

If I just stuck to pot I might have found out what a drag being an aging hipster actually was.

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