99+ Groucho Marx Quotes on Books, Friends and Books - Quotes.pub

Here you will find all the famous Groucho Marx quotes. There are more than 99+ quotes in our Groucho Marx quotes collection. We have collected all of them and made stunning Groucho Marx wallpapers & posters out of those quotes. You can use this wallpapers & posters on mobile, desktop, print and frame them or share them on the various social media platforms. You can download the quotes images in various different sizes for free. In the below list you can find quotes in various categories like Books, Friends and Books

Will you marry me? Do you have any money? Answer the second question first.

Firsts Quotes

This book was written in those long hours I spent waiting for my wife to get dressed to go out. And if she had never gotten dressed at all this book would never have been written.

Book Quotes Reading Quotes

Por el mero hecho de existir la gente se cree con derecho a ser feliz.

Hey, when I said work fast, I didn’t mean your friend, I meant the maid.

Anybody who doesn’t like this book is healthy.

Book Quotes

I started smoking as soon as I went on the stage. I’d make cigars out of the Morning World when I was a kid.

In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat, and if your hearts beat anything but diamonds and clubs, it’s because your partner is cheating, or your wife.

She’s afraid that if she leaves, she’ll become the life of the party.

To write an autobiography of Groucho Marx would be as asinine as to read an autobiography of Groucho Marx.

My experience is that people are most likely to listen to reason when in bed.

I can’t understand why you don’t get any mail from me. Perhaps it’s because I haven’t been writing.

I didn’t like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions – the curtain was up.

I’m gonna put extra blankets, free, in all your rooms, and there’ll be no cover charge.

Budget: a way of going broke methodically.

I think that the Peeps or Peppies or Pipes diaries would be much more popular had there been a universal pronuncation of his name.

According to the wire, you are resting well and are being taken care of by a nurse. I hope she is beautiful and that she has red hair. I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair. Red hair makes a man want to recover his health quickly, so that he can get on his feet and get the nurse off hers.” – Groucho Marx, letter to his son.

I don’t have change I’d have to give you nine more books.

Book Quotes

Before you speak, make certain you have something worthwhile to say.

If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.

Television is where you watch people in your living room that you would not want near your house.

Gerald Ford was unknown throughout America. Now he’s unknown throughout the world.

I’m not going to pay good money to join a club that lets in people like me.

You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters?

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn’t educate America if they started at 6:30.

Obviously there was no point in being a bachelor if his houseman was going to filch his booze. If he was going to get robbed, he might just as well get married.

As soon as I get through with you, you’ll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.

You’re a great brother. You give us a heart attack worrying about your heart attack, which you didn’t even have the decency to have!

In any relationship, the woman has control, the clever ones don’t let the men know.

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

I am a man and you are a woman. I can’t think of a better arrangement.

The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution – this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths.

I’ve got the brain of a four year old. I’ll bet he was glad to be rid of it.

Ever since they found out that Lassie was a boy, the public has believed the worst about Hollywood.

How much would you want to stand at the wrong end of a shooting gallery?

Why would I want to join an organization that would encourage people like myself to become members.

When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, “I was just whispering in her mouth”

Room service? Send up a larger room.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

Women should be obscene, not heard.

If they’d lower the taxes and get rid of the smog and clean up the traffic mess, I really believe I’d settle here until the next earthquake.

He’s so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he’d burn for three days.

A moose is an animal with horns on the front of its head and a hunting lodge wall on the back of it.

Don’t be silly. I’ll write you twice a week.

I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.

Book Quotes Reading Quotes

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.

Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don’t anymore. I realized it was killing conversation. When you’re always trying for a topper you aren’t really listening. It ruins communication.

He thinks I look alike!

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.

Reading Quotes

Well, art is art, isn’t it? Still, on the other hand, water is water!

I’ve met a lot of pin-up girls, but I’ve never been able to pin one down.

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