99+ Craig Ferguson Quotes on Between the Bridge and the River, Cbs and Alcohol - Quotes.pub

Here you will find all the famous Craig Ferguson quotes. There are more than 99+ quotes in our Craig Ferguson quotes collection. We have collected all of them and made stunning Craig Ferguson wallpapers & posters out of those quotes. You can use this wallpapers & posters on mobile, desktop, print and frame them or share them on the various social media platforms. You can download the quotes images in various different sizes for free. In the below list you can find quotes in various categories like Between the Bridge and the River, Cbs and Alcohol

For a while, some schools across the country were banning spelling bees. For obvious reasons, of course – steroids.

Country Quotes

One of the interesting quirks of the aging process is that events that seem to have little or no impact at the time resonate with a thunderous importance later on, like an expertly constructed detective novel.

I hope what I do has an art to it, and as an artist you have to try new things and keep yourself entertained.

I enjoy bathing, as many Europeans don’t.

I always suspected the perpetrators of both good and evil probably would have behaved the same way, God or no God.

Late night is no different than making a film, really, except that it’s faster, and if you do a crap one, you can do a better one tomorrow. Writing a novel and doing stand-up – that stuff is very similar.

Whoever I had become had to die.

I think I’ll be Scottish in every movie I write. They always try to talk me out of it, but Woody Allen is always a nebbish New Yorker. Why shouldn’t I be a goofy Glaswegian?

The ‘Star Wars’ movie is coming out. Disney has kept the details of the movie under wraps because they’re not Sony.

Wait! Don’t applaud my cheapness! I’ve got other crap I need help with!

I’m hooked on email. That’s right, kids, I’m one of you.

All they teach you in drama school is how to do stage fights and be a pain in rehearsals.

Democrats in state legislatures are at their lowest level since the 1920s. President Obama has a can’t-miss strategy to save the party in 2016. He’s leaving.

The idea of having Australians upset at me is just awful.

I only like sports that Bond villains played.

I know that’s not the right accent, but I can’t do the right accent. It’s either the wrong accent or another Octomom joke.

They’ve found a link between chemicals in shampoo and obesity. If you’re eating shampoo, your weight is the least of your concerns.

That’s the thing about terrorism – it works. Especially for the terrorists – they might not get what they want but it feels damn good trying.

I said that the only way I could have a band that would work in the format of my show is if the band were crap. So if I have a band they’d have to really suck.

The meeting with Prince William took place at the White House because Prince William wanted to see where the president spent his days, but the golf course was covered in snow.

I watched the Republican debate. At one point, the candidates said there are no classes in America, a point then hotly debated by all six rich white guys that were there.

Justin Bieber’s tour bus was stopped by Canadian border patrol agents. And they found marijuana. The agents said Bieber was a disgrace to Canada and should never come back. Then they found the marijuana.

I have to do a show which is of interest to me, or else I’m lost.

The whole idea of re-releasing old movies does bother me a little bit. If they’re going to re-release an old movie, I should be able to get in with my old ticket.

Today Monopoly added a new game piece: the cat. The new piece was chosen after weeks of online voting. Is that a surprise? Whenever there’s a vote for something on the Internet, the cat always wins.

It’s a great day for Sarah Palin. She was hired as a commentator for Fox News. She signed a multi-year contract, which means she’ll probably quit after a year.

I don’t know why I was so afraid of failure; the most interesting people I know have failed more than they have succeeded. This may be because life is not as simple as it appears to a desperately ambitious young man, or it could be that all my friends are losers.

The nation of Iran is threatening to sue the makers of the movie Argo. They say the movie was an unrealistic portrayal of their country. You can’t do that! That would be like Scotland suing over the movie Shrek.

Country Quotes

I don’t get emails from my corporate overlords.

The White House announced plans to begin normalizing relations with Cuba – this as we’re awkwardizing relations with Russia.

You know, your whole life you’re concerned about money for this and that. And then you don’t have to worry about it, so you worry about other stuff.

Insiders say Obama’s pretty comfortable around actors. He should be. He has been ‘acting’ like he was born in Hawaii for a long time.

If you know anything about me – and, if you do, I’m sorry that your life turned out like that.

I was struck by the ancient, pagan feel of the place. New Orleans doesn’t feel like any other American city I’ve been to. It has an atmosphere like Rome or Istanbul, a sense of the veil being very thin between this world and the world of the fictional and the dead. It is an eerie, haunted, and beautiful place – as any port should be.

I wanted to be a rock star.

I grew up in Scotland in the 1970s. There was not much money. The most popular Christmas toy was probably a potato.

I have a beard. Just not on my face...

I’m a vulgar lounge entertainer, I don’t need to wear a tie.

Being an American is something I wanted to be for a very long time, probably since I saw the moon landing when I was a child.

Here’s a tip for all you aspiring young comics: Don’t beat up the customers. It is very difficult to get laughs from an audience when you’ve actually drawn blood from one of their number. It kills the mood.

Historically, when Americans don’t know what to do next, they go to Paris. Benjamin Franklin is like: ‘What am I going to do now? I’ll go to Paris!’

Last night on the show I had Olympics fever. Unfortunately, it’s getting worse. That’s not good. I have to call my doctor if my torch burns for more than four hours.

I’m not aware of having a creepy laugh, but apparently I do.

According to a new study, Hawaii is the happiest place in America to live. And I thought it was just a great place to pretend you were born in.

I just do my thing and try each show to be more honest about why I am and who I am. It’s quite tricky and actually nerve-racking to do that. It’s kind of a happy train wreck.

You know, I think there’s a good rule of thumb here: Don’t take nutritional advice from other species.

If Scotland and America go to war, I’m afraid I’ve already sworn in.

A new survey says one in three adults will be dressing up for Halloween. As for me, I’m not going to do anything. I’m going as Congress.

Bush’s memoir is 512 pages. To be fair, 200 of those pages are just games and puzzles.

I don’t know now if I’m funny. I just keep talking and hope that I hit something that’s funny.

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