99+ Christopher Moore Quotes on Humor, Books and Child - Quotes.pub

Here you will find all the famous Christopher Moore quotes. There are more than 99+ quotes in our Christopher Moore quotes collection. We have collected all of them and made stunning Christopher Moore wallpapers & posters out of those quotes. You can use this wallpapers & posters on mobile, desktop, print and frame them or share them on the various social media platforms. You can download the quotes images in various different sizes for free. In the below list you can find quotes in various categories like Humor, Books and Child

Magic is just science that we don’t know yet.

Judges was named after one of the books of the Bible, as was Sammy – Samuel – as Sammy’s mother found great comfort in her faith during labor, when she swore to God that if Sammy’s dad ever got that thing near her again she would murder him in his sleep.

You are a disappointment to disappointments.

Hey, you ever feel like you might just be the construct of an unyielding, all-seeing bureaucracy beyond our perception that is molding humanity to its own will and pleasure?

Every time you give them a new metaphor for the kingdom they see the metaphor, a mustard seed, a field, a garden, a vineyard, it’s like pointing something out to a cat – the cat looks at your finger, not at what you’re pointing at.

The entire city of Las Vegas – plastic opulence, treasure for the taking, vulgar towers, and cocktail waitresses with improbable breasts – is built on the self-delusion of the Beta Male.

Losers can only flourish until a dominant species appears.

I headed out to find Moo Shoes and inform him that our business venture had croaked my boss, and also that we had a business venture.

Molly stood over the stove, naked, except for a wide sash from which was slung the scabbard for her broadsword at the center of her back, giving the impression that she had won honors in the Miss Nude Random Violence Pageant. Her.

Rachel could not believe what she was hearing. Accepting that her magic worked was a huge step, yet she was speaking to the evidence. But to be offered the power to rule the world? She wasn’t sure her career in exercise instruction had prepared her for this.

Nothing says Christmas like a burning meth lab.

Oh, I get it,” I said. “It’s a parable. Cute. Let’s go eat.

Raziel! Go forth into the land and lay waste unto two good-size Wal-Marts, slay until blood doth flow from all bargains and all the buildings are but rubble – and pick up a few Snickers bars for yourself.

Not the scream of a startled little girl, mind you, but a manly scream: the scream of a fellow who has caught his enormous dong in a revolving door while charging.

An air force general with so many campaign medals on his uniform that it looked like someone was losing a game of mah-jongg on his chest.

Religion in Chinatown, as in most places, is based less on a cogent theology and more on a collection of random fears, superstitions, prejudices, forgotten customs, vestigial animism, and social control. Mrs. Ling, while a professed Buddhist of the Pure Land tradition, also kept waving cat charms, lucky coins, and put great faith in the good fortune of the color red... and was very much in favor of any tradition, superstition, or ritual that involved fireworks...

You tell soldiers what they need to hear to go to war. Bitches need a mission, not a goal.

Isolate ’em. That’s why all your loony-toon cult guys have to get their people out in the boonies somewhere where no one can talk any sense into ’em. Just.

I’m very insecure, actually, but I have found that if you roll up screaming like a madwoman, hair on fire, guns blazing, no one is going to mention the zit on your forehead.” Which.

When I teach seminars, I tell people, Your stuff has to look like something thats out there, because otherwise nobody will take a chance on you.

I would paint more farms,” said Toulouse-Lautrec, “but they always put them so far from the bar.

Everyone is happier if they have someone else to look down on, as well as someone to look up to, especially if they resent both. This is not only the beta male strategy for survival, but the basis for capitalism, democracy, and most religions.

What love is not torment when a man knows not how to love himself? Talk not of drowning, but attaining your heart’s desire by action: Put money in thy purse.

You know, he doesn’t have to be the only one bopped in the noggin when noggin-boppin’ time rolls around.

You whoreson scalawag!” said I. “You flesh-turd dropped stinking from the poxy arsehole of a hare-lipped harlot!

Sweetheart, wake up; you’ve destroyed the house and I need you to suffer for it.

So, have you seen Flood?” she asked. “Cop?” She added “cop” with a high pop on the p, like it was a punctuation mark, not a profession.

Like looking down on a lubricious chess set, isn’t it? The king moves in tiny steps, with no direction, like a drunkard trying to avoid the archer’s bolt. The others work their strategies and wait for the old man to fall. He has no power, yet all power moves in his orbit and to his mad whim. Do you know there’s no fool piece on the chessboard, Kent?” “Methinks the fool is the player, the mind above the moves.

And without guilt and dread, who am I?

Tommy moved on. “Lash, your people have been oppressed for hundreds of years. It’s time to strike back. Look, you don’t have your MBA yet – they haven’t completely juiced you of your usefulness yet. Would Martin Luther King back down from this challenge? Malcolm X? James Brown? Don’t you have a dream? Don’t you feel good, like you knew that you would, now?

The City of San Francisco is being stalked by a huge, shaved vampyre cat named Chet, and only I, Abby Normal, emergency backup mistress of the Greater Bay Area night, and my manga-haired love monkey, Foo Dog, stand between the ravenous monster and a bloody massacre of the general public. Which isn’t, like, as bad as it sounds, because the general public kind of sucks ass.

Don’t trust her,” shouted Helena, who was trying to stop Lysander from licking her shin. “She was a vixen when she went to school, and though she be but little, she is fierce.” “Little, is it?” said Hermia. “I will show you little, thou lumbering maypole. I shall decorate your inconstant lovers with your splattered brains.

The only way to control the faithful is to not become one of them.

For the tourist, immersed in the oblivion of vacation spending, Cypress Street provided a bonanza of curious gifts to prove to the folks back home that they had been somewhere. Somewhere where they had obviously forgotten that soon they would return home to a mortgage, dental bills, and an American Express bill that would descend at the end of the month like a financial Angel of Death. And they bought. They bought effigies of.

Inside, I was like: “Ha, suck my spiky rubber strap-on, vampyre hunter!

Is it the fault of a girl bright with the light of romance that she falls in love with a rascal? Is the love any less pure? Any less heartfelt? Any less painful when lost?

We Ask the Gods for Answers and They Give Us Questions.

Die, thou badger-shagging spunk monkey,” said I.

Maybe life is just easier if you’re a little goofy...

That’s it, said Cavuto. You’re too much of a nerd to be gay. I’m contacting the committee. They’ll revoke your rainbow flag and you will not be permitted anywhere near the parade.

I know, lamb, love is a besquished toad ripening in the sun. But despair not, life in the nunnery is not completely devoid of joy. I was raised by nuns. Once a week you’ll be able to share a sumptuous raisin with your sisters, and then there’s the perpetual flicking of the bean in the dark, for which you’ll have ongoing guilt and repentance during the day, so you’ll stay busy.

True, I am drunk, and small, and damp, but mistake not my moistness for weakness, although there’s an argument to be made for that, as well.

Andrew Lloyd Webber’s version of the Kool-Aid jingle is at once chilling and evocative. Donny Osmond is brilliant as James Jones.

From Dickens’s cockneys to Salinger’s phonies, from Kerouac’s beatniks to Cheech and Chong’s freaks, and on to hip hop’s homies, dialect has always been used as a way for generations to distinguish themselves.

Tucker Case did not play golf. He’d tried it once, and although he’d enjoyed the drinking and driving the little electric car into the lake, he just didn’t get the appeal. It seemed – and he’d examined the game closely because his father had loved it – an awful lot like a bunch of rich white guys in goofy clothing walking around on an absurdly large lawn hitting absurdly small white balls with crooked sticks.

Abby Von Normal – And I’m like, “Don’t change the subject, Kung Pao, what I want to know is if you’re ready to spend some up-close and personal time with ninety pounds of barbarian woman-flesh! Sorry, I don’t know how much that is in kilos.

Blessed are the minimarshmallows,” the angel said, swooning a little.

She glanced over her shoulder to look at the forty-foot cabin cruiser where Captain Tarwater posed on the bow looking like an advertisement for a particularly rigid laundry detergent – Bumstick Go-Be-Bright, perhaps.

Of course they won’t bloody remember, they’ll be dead.′ Then she called him a name in a dead language that translated, roughly, to ‘poop on a stick,’ but sounded more succinct, like this: ‘Of course they won’t bloody remember, they’ll be dead, Poopstick.

A wall is the defense of a country that values inaction. But a wall imprisons the people of a country as much as it protects them.

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